How to have hard conversations: Shayla + McKay

If you are in a serious relationship, you have probably had a few serious conversations. If you have not had hard conversations, you are not in a serious relationship, or you are the queen/king of avoiding them. I consider myself somewhat of a queen of avoiding these talks. I hate confrontation and I hate having conversations about what I am doing wrong. I mean, who likes to talk about why they suck? Giving feedback and taking a look in the mirror is an essential part of a healthy relationship. 

It's interesting to think about this because how often do we self reflect when we are single? How often do we look in the "mirror" and list 5 things we need to improve. Maybe some of us do this, but I know for myself and many others, we forget to self reflect, we avoid it because it's uncomfortable, and this is so easy to do while single because it's just you. You are not accountable to anyone but yourself. 

This is why being married is amazing. It forces you to have accountability, not just for yourself, but for another person who loves you and has your best interest at heart. Being accountable allows you to see yourself for who you truly are. You see your flaws, your weaknesses, your strengths and your talents, and we NEED to see it all. We cannot live life focused only on our strengths and blinded by our flaws. If we do this, we will become stubborn, argumentative, constantly defensive and closed off. We won't listen to our partner when they give us constructive criticism, and this will damage you as a person and your relationship with the person you love. 

Now that you see how important this is, I want to talk about 5 ways to make hard conversations easier.

1. Be open: Enter hard conversations with an open mind. Be prepared to look at your flaws in an honest way and be optimistic about making positive changes. Basically, have a good attitude. If you go into the conversation with a negative attitude, nothing good will come. 

2. Never have hard conversations after an argument: Oftentimes, couples tend to have difficult discussions right after a big fight. It makes sense because fights (even dumb ones) have an underlying serious issue, and we want to confront the issue as soon as possible. However, this may not be the best time to give feedback or criticism because you are both heated and most likely already on the defensive.

3. Be Vulnerable: Men and Woman differ a lot when it comes to being vulnerable. Woman get emotional and cry easily and this helps them to break down walls quickly. They don't hide their emotions as much.  Men tend to show emotion through anger and passion, and it is uncomfortable for them to be vulnerable. When BOTH of you are vulnerable, magic happens. (I'm not talking about in the bedroom)...magic happens emotionally. When the walls are down, progress can happen and you will become closer than ever.

4. Converse often/follow up: If you randomly tell your spouse that he/she needs to change something, what do you think will happen? With no preparation, your spouse will most likely get defensive, you will then feel hurt and an argument will start. If these conversations are a regular part of your marriage/relationship, it will be easier to have them, and both of you can actually look forward to the opportunity to improve together as a couple. 

5. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down: You always want to leave the serious conversations feeling uplifted. If you leave feeling depressed and useless, you did it all wrong. Throughout the conversation and after, tell each other what you did good that week. Tell them what you love most about them. Compliment them and make them feel amazing. 

I hope some of you find this useful. It has helped Matt & I a ton! 

Shoot: This shoot was such a blast! this cute girl is one of my dearest friends. She is getting married in a few months and she not only found the most amazing guy, but two adorable boys! They are seriously the cutest and I am so excited for them to start their lives together. Have a great week everyone!